When I met God, what did He say? What did He tell me? What mysteries of the universe did He unfold? I would be lying to you if I said I’d been granted knowledge of all the mysteries contained in the universe, despite having wrapped the keys up for you. I don’t know everything, there isn’t quite that much space in my brain.
But I did have a few major insights. Those insights were largely derived from having finally understood my own experience passing through Swedish doors. The changes I needed to make with my approach as a business leader became clear, as did the tactics I needed to repair relationships inside my family. But one thought stood out in freshly cut crystal.
Aliza.
It became clear to me why telling Aliza directly that I was in love had been totally ineffective at convincing her there was any romance worth pursuing between us. We’d had a fantastic dynamic, right up until the moment that Mary told her I was a monster. That’s when everything changed. To her credit, Aliza did not contract all of the terror that Mary tried to foist upon her. But the fact remained, she was afraid of the idea that I might be in love with her.
And who can blame her? Had I not wondered myself if she shouldn’t fear me? Had I not already had more money pass through my hands than most men make in a lifetime, while she barely had a dollar to her name? Was she not entirely new to people and things while I kept the company and attention of powerful people? And thinking in the extreme, could I not kill her in a moment with my bare hands if ever I lost my temper?
I must seem to present an immeasurable threat against her innocence. And even if she felt I could be trusted, the rest of society was unlikely to view us well. She was afraid of seeing us together because accepting love from an influential, older man had the potential to cost her dearly, and I tried to force mine upon her.
You’ve now read my story though, why don’t you take a moment to sit as the judge. Was she right to be afraid of me? Maybe, maybe not. I’ve wondered it many times myself.
But where there is fear is there not also a Swedish door? Even if we didn’t end up together, would she not be better off if she could move past it?
Thinking of my friends, family, and other people I loved, I had already begun to write essays about Mormonism and Swedish doors. I hoped I could do something that might reach them. But telling someone about a Swedish door is not the same as creating the conditions needed to make it easy for someone else to come through themselves. Without real-life application, Swedish doors are nothing more than a parlor room conversation trinket.
I had a challenge set before me. Learn wisdom that I might teach another person what they must do to overcome their fear and pass through a Swedish door, and then create the conditions needed to coax them through as gently as possible.
I cannot force another person to go where they will not. I accept fully that I have no control over anyone besides myself. But in completely relinquishing all hope that you may control the desires of another person’s heart, whoever they are, you discover something much, much more powerful underneath.
Influence.
And so, I began to create an experience that I could use to influence my family and friends. I started writing a book about Swedish doors and finding God in Croatia.
Is that surprising to you? Are you wondering how I can be so presumptuous as to wait till nearly the end to tell you the true purpose of this book?
You can be angry, and I apologize profusely for whatever I’ve done to cause it. But please have patience for a moment if you will. I had to suffer through extreme pain in order to overcome the subconscious fears that held me down in my own life. Because of that I understand what pain you must also suffer if you wish to overcome yours.
If avoiding pain holds a loved one back, would the fastest way to show that I love them not be doing what I could to assist them in overcoming fear? And if that is true, is it really so wrong if I don’t reveal my full intentions all at once? Why is it that people like the idea of surprises right up until they become personal?
I have sought to acquire influence over you, and I did not tell you while I did it. But I did say from the beginning that this book was written for your benefit. It was true when I said it, and it is still true now. I am sure I have made mistakes while you have lent me your trust, but whatever influence you have given me I have only used in an earnest attempt to build you up. What is the fastest way to show that I love you if not presenting a mirror so you can see yourself?
I tell you my own story to help you see yourself and understand that faith is the solution. There are many stories in scripture about people finding love for themselves through finding faith. My own story closely parallels both the story of Job and that of the prodigal son.