I’ve never heard someone describe spiritual awakening and thought to myself they were grounded in reality. The words they choose are always fluffy, vague, and stupid. It wouldn’t be unreasonable to conclude that the water in all the elephant sanctuaries contains traces of lead, otherwise all the yoga teachers would still have their sanity.
Yet here I am telling you that I had a spiritual awakening and I found God.
You are of course welcome to your opinion, but before you write off my claims completely you must know that I have always been a very scientific man. I have gone deeper into mathematics and physics than the vast majority of people are even capable of grasping. In college I threw around phrases like “discretized numerical integration” and “topology optimization”. I’ve perused scientific journals describing the physics of steam turbines and airfoil vortices for personal enjoyment. I am exceptionally fluent in the language and application of logic.
Resolving the existence of God and the stories surrounding Him despite their abundant lack of supporting evidence is not a trivial matter, and it is arguably more difficult for an analytical person.
But that’s the point. His existence defies logic, which is why it so difficult to bring logical definition to Him. You’ve never seen Him, but for the person who looks, His influence will be found. He is the one great paradox from which all other paradoxes are derived, and resolving the paradox of God resolves the rest. He is ultimately the only puzzle piece that matters. Finding Him brings the whole of human existence into extreme clarity.
Let me say that again for the deaf among us. I have written a story to give you a message. My story is a puzzle. There is one piece that resolves the puzzle. That puzzle piece is God. If you want my story to make sense, go find God. He is the only puzzle piece that matters.
And yet one more time: God is the only puzzle piece that matters. Who is God? Go. Find. God.
I cannot be more clear. We have discussed Buddhism, Islam, Mormonism, psychology, trauma, evolutionary neuroscience, narcissism, psychedelics, wealth acquisition, and monumental religious architecture. God is the answer. We are at the center of my chiasmus. We have arrived. This is the point.
Learn to love and trust yourself. Do not be afraid. If you are ever afraid, learn to trust God who is inside you that She may teach you that you are worthy of being loved.
I know that may not make sense. How could I boil it all down to something so simple? Isn’t what I just said somewhat obvious?
Except I am a writer, and this is a puzzle. If the answer to the puzzle is so obvious, why do you still have questions? What is on the other side of a chiasmus? And why did God become a woman? Are you certain you have all the answers?
Why do you think I opened this book with the story of the door in the Swedish café? And which side of what door am I speaking to you from? You can choose to have faith and believe me when I say I’ve seen God and She has something very important to tell you. Or you can choose to believe I’ve gotten lead poisoning from the water in an elephant sanctuary. It’s completely up to you. I apologize if what I am saying sounds like insanity, but I cannot explain my side of the door with logic, as much as I have tried and desperately want to. If I could, I would.
If I could just say the quiet part out loud, which I have, I would not have written an entire fucking book. This shit is not easy, and I am trying so hard to help you understand. I can only show you the path I took and have faith that you will find your own. But I promise that if you find God everything I have said will become completely and totally clear. When you do, you will know with undeniable certainty that you have found Her and will find yourself as I did.
Why would I bother to write all this? It’s simple, I love you. More importantly, God loves you. She loves you far beyond your capacity to even comprehend at the present moment, and I know it. I know it and I want you to feel it.
God loves you, and I do too. Trust yourself.
Do you know who you truly are? Do you know what it means to trust yourself? Why do you pay the buskers and pass the beggars but feel conflicted doing so? Both of them want your money. But who do want to give your money to? You like the buskers because the buskers give you faith in humanity. What if the artists, writers, and musicians were right all along?
God’s wisdom has shown me how everything that is beautiful, meaningful, and wonderful in the world came to be. It is through God's wisdom having been discovered by enlightened men and women who then choose to love the world and let God’s light shine through their own good deeds. How does the wisdom of a writer’s love build cathedrals? When you know the answer to that question you will have found the wisdom of God.
I know how Notre-Dame and all the other cathedrals were built, but they weren’t built by God. The cathedrals were built by the writers, because the writers once told a story about God to an architect. Why else is there a statue of Goethe in Rome? If the architect was wise, he might have even solved the prophet’s puzzle himself. The cathedrals only became castles after a king who was not God put the architect in chains.